Last time I saw Whitney was Wednesday. There was dinner at an Asian fusion restaurant, dancing at Cafe Citron, lounging + talking in a hookah bar, and at the end of the evening a stroll around the lake behind her house. One of the things that sticks in my mind:

(during a discussion of various disorders which were studied during an undergrad Psychology course)

Her: But there's no textbook that could explain me.
Me: Psssh, maybe I just haven't written it yet.
Her: *smiles and delivers a short tinkling laugh*

It really gets me, this arrogance that comes from liking someone and forming a tenuous connection with them. It drives me to say such obnoxious things, to have pretenses of omnipotence, and it drives her to be charmed by my ridiculous mannerisms instead of scorning them. That's probably more obscene than anything else we could do with one another.

Still, despite my constant self-observations and critiques, I'm pleased to be in this situation. Perhaps I'll even write about it in a more in-depth fashion.

( I wrote months ago about how much I wanted to see Mairead, and how initially devastated I was when she ended up canceling our dinner plans in January (allegedly the plans were only delayed but there was never any talk of trying to meet up again). I still feel a slight ache as a result of having spent the last half year vainly making attempts to reach her via text and voicemail. It's not something that crushes me, there's just a mild yearning to see her one more time before she moves away with her soon-to-be husband. It makes me want to keep trying to call her to beg for a meeting, and say, 'This isn't that important, actually. Ignoring me all summer is a perfectly viable option because this ache will go away once you've moved and the prospect of seeing you is no longer even hypothetically reasonable. I'm not asking you to save me from a heavy blow to my heart or even my ego. Even so, I'm still begging you to save me, please save me from vague disillusionment and momentary distress!' )

And of course it's evident even to me that my life is very fortunate if that is all I have to fret about. Silly me.