I had a great time at the Pirates vs. Vikings party on February 13th. I showed up at ten and busted some awkward moves on the dance floor. I was too lazy to put together a good costume and just said that my seashell bracelet from Mexico qualified me as a pirate, but some other people had really amazing costumes. I particularly liked the runes Patrick had scrawled all over his body and the fact that Richard Hell bothered to look up how to write Cthulu in ancient Greek and then inscribed it on his arm. Kt’s costume of Sam the Slightly Curious Pirate in women’s clothes was adorable.

Also, the house decorations were amazing, so props to the hosts! I loved the runic wallpaper, the skull lights, and of course the Viking ship beer pong table.

I kicked ass for a few rounds of beer pong, and got my pong partner David so wasted from drinking for both of us through several quick consecutive games that he started vomiting profusely. I was doing surprisingly well, considering that the game is usually easier to play after you’ve had a few. We even defeated Richard Hell’s One Man Show although we were down to one cup at the end. The end of the last game was extremely drawn out, because David kept going off on these extended monologues about nothing and giving me uncoordinated hugs instead of taking his turn. Afterwards I tried to look after him because I was a bit worried by how plastered he was, but after he started peeing in the bushes I just thought, “Fuck it, his friends can take care of him.”

I also got to talk to Kyle Clothier for a long time, which was great. I’d never had an extended conversation with him before, our interactions having been limited to brief jocular group discussions over cigarettes. I’m glad I finally did though, because he’s really intelligent. We talked about programs for autistic kids and fantasy novels for a while, and also delved into past relationships. I told him that I’d also like to get to talk to his girlfriend Emily and he encouraged me to do it, saying “She doesn’t talk much because she’s shy, but there’s a lot going on there.” I thought it was very touching to hear him talk about her, and also to witness their interactions together. As Chris Lee said to him later that night, “Your relationship is one of the ones that I get really jealous by observing. I usually don’t get that jealous when I see people dating in real life, because they’re normally only that epic on T.V.”

Speaking of other fun couples, Alex Smolin and Julia Copley were there. Alex was adorably happy to be shwasted on his birthday, and gave a speech about how happy he was to be with his friends because he’d never been to a party with them on a birthday before. Then he staggered around playfully banging his head into surfaces, before stumbling off to the bathroom. “I’m going to the bathroom because I have to pee, you guys! Okay, I’m in the bathroom now. And… I’M PEEING!”
Because it was a little after midnight, I gave Julia a sardonic smile and said, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” and we both started cracking up.
She whooped and exclaimed, “Thank you for that, Miriam! Yes, THAT is what I have to deal with on Valentine’s Day!”

At some point I with to Kyle’s suite with a few others, and we hung out there until Dan Combes wandered by and said, “Come over to my place for a dance party!”

It was at Dan’s place that I got to run into Chris Lee, who I haven't seen since 2007. We had a few great conversations over cigarettes and he said that he really wanted to get to know me better, which made me happy because he’s always struck me as a fascinating person. And there were some fun dance parties as well. And knife fights.

Not malicious knife fights, thankfully. People just joshing around, but with real knives and someone accidentally got cut, and I foolishly leaped in to try to grab the knife because I didn't realize it was a fake fight. Not the most rational thing to do, because I probably wouldn’t have been able to do much even if it was a real fight, but I was acting on instinct. Dan Combes is fucking crazy.

I considered leaving right after that because I was kind of weirded out by the whole situation, but changed my mind when someone started playing Rebellion (Lies) by the Arcade Fire because I just had to dance to it. Emily and I had a lovely time dancing to various indie pop songs by the Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade, and Neutral Milk Hotel.

One of my favorite exchanges from the early hours of February 14th, while I was standing outside with Kyle.

Kyle: My friend is training to be a priest, and he said that he’ll bless my pipes after he finishes training at seminary!
Me: That’s AWESOME!
Kyle: Yeah, I’ll have a constant supply of hot and cold holy water running through my house.
Me: And you’ll probably absorb some of it.
Kyle: Oh yeah, I’ll just absorb the blessing through my pores and then go around sanctifying people.
Me: Also, if you give someone a golden shower they can consider it a benediction!
Kyle: Wow. Excuse me, I just have to do this…

Then he picked me up and swung me around in a glorious spin hug while we were both hooting with laughter.

I also finally got a chance to hang out with Emily and we had a great time making fun of the belligerent exchanges going on between the drunken boys in Dan Combes’s house. I told her about my sober beer pong playing and how “I’ve already gotten one of my partners to throw up tonight!” and she burst out laughing and ventured that she thought I was insanely cool for taking pride in this. I suppose my coolness was amplified after I played a few games with Kyle and he also ended up getting a little sick.

That occurred during a very interesting conversation outside. We started talking about straight edge and asceticism for some reason. Actually, I guess the original discussion was about whether it’s possible to be completely aware and authentic 100% of the time. I expressed my opinion that it isn’t, and he asked if that meant that I didn’t give any credit to the ascetic tradition. I clarified that I do have respect for it, and have found some happiness through limited forms of renunciation, but that as happy as I am these days that doesn’t mean that I’m constantly feeling swept away with the beauty of life. There are still going to be quiet afternoons that I fritter away on Facebook and Livejournal. After listening to me explain my reasons for not drinking he said, “Fair enough,” and poured the rest of his drink out on the ground.
“Really?” I asked in a skeptical tone of voice.
“Well, I’ve definitely had enough for tonight. And it was more a gesture to show that I respect the reasoning behind your decision than a decision to embrace that course myself.”

We also started talking about anxiety and depression. He gave one example of his typical reactions in the past, and I gave one example of how I used to typically react, which was markedly different but still eerily similar in reasoning. He laughed at this and said, “Hahaha. The same vein, taken in a slightly different direction.” I suddenly felt so moved by this, both because of the sense that I was talking to someone who had the same problem with anxiety and insecurity as me, and because I realized with a thrill that we were both talking about this in the context of the past and that we both manage to be really happy these days. Before I could respond further he announced that he was going to be sick and walked off. I got him a cup of water, and then we resumed our conversation. It was interesting to see how lucid he was even after getting inebriated. He knew he was ill, but it was a purely physical thing and didn’t impair his ability to converse. Emily came out to take care of him, and I went outside to have another cigarette before going home. While there I argued with Chris Lee about the palatability of onion rings and also spent some time reminiscing over our trip to India. I also bummed a cigarette to Dan Combes, and told him that even though I think he’s insane I will never forget that time he stood up for me in 2005 when Aaron Siegel ripped me off on a pot deal because I didn’t know any better, and he got so outraged about this that he and a few others (including Joshua and Mark) ended up going to Aaron’s room with me to demand my money back. He seemed touched that I’d remembered that, and told me to stop by his place any time.

I went to bed around 5 in the morning, feeling very pleased about my wonderful night.

On Valentine’s Day proper I stayed inside for most of the day doing homework, but went to the campus center around 7:30 for something to eat. I ran into Rowan there and ended up talking to him for a while about an uncomfortable situation he’s in with some crazy girl.
“I think a lot of freshman girls go though that phase.”
“Yeah, it probably happens a lot more than most of us realize.”

I was filled with admiration for his approach to the situation, which was both kind and assertive of his own rights. Afterwards we just talked about our every day lives and plans for the summer. There was a very sweet moment when I got up.

Me: I just wanted to say that I’m really thankful for your presence in my life. This will probably sound like a really weird compliment, but you’re the best ex-boyfriend anyone could ever wish for.
Rowan: Aww.
*hug*
Rowan: Happy Valentine’s Day, oh former lover of mine.

Wow, I am happy. So fucking happy. I remember a few weeks ago I was chatting with Kelly and Patrick at the Campus Center and Patrick mentioned that I’m now the only person in our immediate circle of friends who is single. “Poor, lonely Miriam.”
To which I responded, “On this campus I’m surrounded by people I would die for, so how the hell am I lonely?”

Edit: Oh God, I think YangYi is trying to woo me in his awkward way. He showed up a little bit before midnight last night, with a cake he’d baked for me in the shape of a heart. It was a carrot cake with raisins and cream cheese and lots of sugar, which tasted extremely strange but delicious. He walked into my room and displayed it to me and I exclaimed, “Oh wow, who is that for?” The answer to this was so obvious as to render that question more than a little inane, but I was experiencing a moment of denial (oh God, please don’t say that you made this beautiful heart-shaped cake just for me on Valentine’s Day). Then there was a few minutes of chatting while I sampled it, and an uncomfortably long hug which I broke away from as I bustled about the kitchen taking care of dirty dishes. I really do want to be his friend, so now I’m just wondering whether the best course of action would be to address the subject or to continue pretending that I’m oblivious and hope he gives up without an awkward discussion.

Afterwards I wandered over to Kyle’s suite and watched the second half of Wristcutters: A Love Story with Kyle, Emily, Kt, Patrick, Mary, and Josh. This is a beautiful movie that I strongly recommend after only seeing part of it, and I can’t wait to watch it in its entirety some day soon.

I’m going out to Blue Wind with Kat and Richard Hell in a few hours and I’d like to get some work done, so signing out now!

Oh, and I really am enjoying the formation of my funny friendship with Allison.

(taken from Facebook chat logs)

Miriam: Wow, it's almost scary how much we have in common

Miriam: Let's see, we're both bisexual, we both went through a period of acting out after beginning to drink, we both went through a period of shunning relationships after breaking up with a girlfriend, we both don't masturbate, we both have a very strange gender identity, we both love Mary Prankster, we both slept with Rowan! Amazing

Allison: haha! the connections are endless. i wonder what else we will find that we have in common

Miriam: I don't know, but I'm excited by the prospect

Allison: me too!