Miriam, look at yourself.
Don't you deserve better? Find them now on eHarmony.

Of all the special targeted ads that Facebook has seen fit to throw my way, I believe that this is by far the most potent. By commanding me to look at myself, it forces me to really examine my life in depth and come to the depressing conclusion that I am wasting away and completely bereft of all things that make existence worthwhile. Following this up by raising the question of whether I deserve better is even more devastating, because it illustrates with a great degree of clarity that a much more sublime state of being is possible, but somehow still out of my grasp. As Morpheus explained after he descended into Hell, what use would all of the tortures of the infernal realm be if the damned souls did not have a dream of Heaven with which to despair over the ideal of? Finally, an immediate solution for this anguished existential dilemma is offered: eHarmony!

But wait, I was rejected from eHarmony a few years ago, when the verdict of their free online personality quiz was that I did not fit within the parameters of any of their defined personality profiles and therefore they did not feel equipped to predict with any accuracy who I would be happy with. Oh woe, my one chance of salvation has been cruelly denied!

Way to hit me where it hurts, Facebook.