Earlier things of note:
When I was waiting in the lounge to discuss my senior project with Schroeder before heading home for Spring Break, I just happened to run into Dan Meckel and we had a brief talk. Out of nowhere he said, “I look forward to seeing the completion of your SMP. I’m sorry that so many difficulties came up during our discussion of it last year. I hope you don’t still feel too resentful over that.” I immediately flashed back to that meeting, and our argument after I told him what I wanted to do for my St. Mary’s Project and he told me that I couldn’t fulfill those goals (which was why Professor John Schroeder ended up being my adviser instead). I also felt an immediate rush of sadness at the thought of him believing that I held a grudge over that.
I burst out, “Oh no! We had our differences over that topic, but going to India with you twice and taking that class on Hinduism with you were such wonderful experiences that that argument means nothing in comparison. I really did treasure those experiences with you.”
He smiled at me, such a genuine, relieved, happy smile.
I think that was one of the most unexpectedly earnest interactions I’ve had in a long time.

Another conversation which I also enjoyed which took place some time in the past few weeks occurred when I was chatting with Joshua Saunders, and musing on possible subconscious motivations for me to live in such messy conditions.
Me: Maybe it’s an unconscious rejection of relationships. I mean, the mess extends to my bed, which has textbooks strewn across it so I generally sleep curled up in a fetal ball at the top end. Perhaps this is me trying to prevent any romance from occurring in my life, because THERE WILL BE NO SEX ON TOP OF THE TEXTBOOKS. Too uncomfortable.
Joshua: Psssh, I’ve had sex on top of textbooks before!
Way to inject hope into my life, Josh!

I also adore the memory of taking Richard Hell with my parents to visit my paternal grandparents in Baltimore before seeing a play. They were kind of quiet, but their charming natures came through while we were sitting around and chatting in their apartment. This will sound weird, but it especially warmed my heart to see my grandmother hiding some whiskey in her walker before going to a party. She used to have a hollow cane with a vial in it for storing whiskey (how badass is that?!), but now she requires a walker instead of a cane for extra support. As she was preparing to leave she mused aloud that drinks might not be served at the party, and poured herself a glass of whiskey which she then stowed away in the small compartment between the handles of her walker. I couldn’t help but smile and think, “You’re so cute, Grandmother!”

On Thursday I met up with Jen Yogi to see a film about the Appalachian mountains, which was entertaining and fascinating. The film covered geologic history, the vast biodiversity of the region, and some of the sorrowful history about the Native Americans who hailed from that area. Afterwards we had dinner at Gordon Biersch, a restaurant that I remembered enjoying when I went out to celebrate Richard Hell’s 21st birthday. The food was again wonderful, and I greatly enjoyed learning more about Jen’s family.
Later that night Patrick and Kt stopped by briefly, and there was consumption of goat cheese and an extended discussion of occultism and Young Adult female empowerment fantasy novels. That proved to be a lovely way to spend an evening, although I ended up feeling sick from too much dairy. Also, I’ve resolved that I want to shave my head at some point in the near future.

Spring break has mostly been very dull, since I’ve spent most of my time trying to work and not socializing very much. In the past week I’ve completed one third of my senior project, a little over half of Murakami’s Hard Boiled Wonderland, and nearly all of the first season of Wonderfalls. Richard Hell has been staying at my house this week, and it’s been wonderful to have him here, both to provide entertainment and company during an otherwise dull day spent researching and to have someone to vent to when my mother becomes particularly overbearing. Not to sound too harsh on her, she is doing her best to help me with my project, but whenever I assert that I just want to get some work done by myself she gets very dramatic about it and exclaims, “Damn your pride, Miriam!” and other silly things of that nature.


I managed to get a decent amount of work done early in the day, and so felt entitled to head over to Claire’s place for social interactions of the highest order, i.e. conversing about ponies and baking vegan cookies. When Richard Hell and I arrived at the house she’s currently living in, we got a tour and I ended up being very impressed with the living accommodations. Frans’s office was awesome, being filled with his artwork and neat posters and loads of animal skulls. There were two four-horned Jacobs sheep skulls, a badger skull, a dog skull, a raccoon skull, and the skull of a young deer, among others. Then of course we spent a good twenty minutes playing with the cats Yoda (a black cat with bright green eyes) and Aubrey (a lovely tortoiseshell with green-gold eyes) before proceeding to make the vegan cookies. I mashed up a banana while Claire and Richard Hell assembled the other ingredients. The cookies ended up being delicious, tasting as they did of bananas with a cake-like texture and painted in melted chocolate. I liked Richard Hell’s indignant response of “Come on, I’ve been cooking since I was two!” when Claire tried to direct him. Afterwards I implored her to leave him alone, because he’s been cooking since he was two after all, and we tittered while Richard Hell gave a long-suffering sigh and wondered aloud why his life was centered around women making fun of him.
After the cookies were done I had a wonderful time just sprawling out on the floor with them, chatting and listening to music and watching cute cat videos on Youtube. Claire told me that she really loved this song called “The Littlest Birds” by the Be Good Tanyas which I’d put on a mix CD for her and we sang along to it, and I told her that I thought she was a living tribute to the songs assertion that “the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.” We also spent a while looking at pictures of horses. There was a wonderful interlude when we stepped outside for a cigarette and Claire brought her computer along with us and played this beautiful song about friendship and missing people which she said applied to me and Richard Hell and many of her other friends, which I enjoyed dancing to. Then she and Richard Hell played a few songs by the Wu-Tang Clan, who I had never really listened to before but ended up enjoying. The happiness that came out of that cigarette break was still very much in effect when we went back inside.
The three of us were laughing together over something and I couldn’t stop smiling and exclaimed that I felt like a certain passage about Henry Miller from The Diary of Anais Nin and told Claire to look it up for the exact wording. This passage is, "In the middle of a serious discussion between Richard and Joaquin, he [Henry Miller] began to laugh. Seeing the perplexity on Richard's face, he said, 'I'm not laughing at you, Richard, but I just can't help myself. I don't care a bit who's right. I'm too happy. I'm just so happy right at this moment, with all the colors around me, the fire in the fireplace, the good dinner, the wine, the whole moment is so wonderful, so wonderful...' He talked slowly, as if enjoying his own words..."
Claire read it aloud, and then enveloped me in a tackle hug. We fell over on the floor and lay there, cuddling and giggling while Richard Hell looked on bemusedly and continued to surf Youtube for more cat videos.
Frans showed up a little after midnight and I was very happy to see him. I didn’t get up immediately because I was busy watching the video for “This Year” by The Mountain Goats and did not want to interrupt the sing-along session, but afterwards I jumped up and explained that although I hadn’t instantly greeted him I was in fact very excited to see him. He picked me up while hugging me and I squeaked in delight while kicking my legs in the air. I adore hugging Frans, he really does give the most friendly and amazing hugs.
Awesome lines by Frans this evening:
1. “I love watching those old monster and Godzilla films… cause you know there’s gonna be dudes in suits…”
2. (during a discussion of why I should not be tickled while Frans was hugging me because I would end up thrashing and kicking him. I said I didn’t want to infringe upon his autonomy)
Richard Hell: Were you afraid of infringing upon his anatomy or his autonomy?
Me: Both.
Frans (in his sleepy droll voice): Anatomy and autonomy, they’re pretty much the same thing to me.

Frans and Richard Hell started discussing comic books while Claire and I continued our discussion about horsies and springtime festivities. After a few minutes she asked me to briefly step outside with her so she could give me some advice about love. As we were stepping out we heard Richard Hell say, “So, the second volume of Hellboy…” and we burst out laughing again. While outside we had the most wonderful conversation about how much we love each other and how amazing and special our friendship is, which I won’t attempt to record here because it would be too much. I love that we had that conversation in the cold and spazzing out while the boys were inside talking about comic books.
Afterwards we went back inside and Claire played another song for me, which I can’t remember the title of except for the fact that it had the word ‘Rocky’ in it. I happily sprawled out on the floor again and she ran her fingers through my hair while the music played, and it was yet another moment of sheer happiness.

Eventually we said our goodbyes and I departed with Richard Hell and drove home. The moment I appreciated the most from that ride was at the end, when we were listening to “Fluorescent Adolescent” by the Arctic Monkeys and when I pulled into the driveway I didn’t immediately switch off the engine, instead sitting there and waiting with Richard Hell until the song ended. I love how that is such a mutual thing with him. I feel that most people would look askance at me for wanting to wait in the car for an extra two minutes after arriving at the destination, but Richard Hell understands the impulse to not interrupt the vibe you can get from a specific song at a specific moment and is usually willing to wait in the car with me at those moments.

Today after I wake up, I will try to get some work done early in the day and then see Patrick and attend a party at his old high school with him. Afterwards we will meet up with some other friends and go out for an early dinner in Chinatown, possibly at an Irish pub that I found a good review of online. AND THEN WE WILL GO SEE THE MOUNTAIN GOATS PERFORM AT THE 6TH AND I SYNAGOGUE AND IT WILL BE AMAZING AND LIFE-AFFIRMING AND ALL AROUND GLORIOUS. I really am so excited. John Darnielle, in addition to being one of the most soulful lyricists whose work I’ve ever become acquainted with, is also one of the most endearing performers I’ve ever seen live. Expect an exhaustively lengthy review of the show in the next few days.

May your suds bring you joy!